I feel like I am getting a ghetto bottom. Morgan says I need Apple Bottom jeans...I don't know if this is good or bad, but it seems not so great...I just checked them out, and they are pretty cute. I think it is nice that I am not in the Plus size brand buying issue anymore. I did slip up today and have a few bites of macaroni when I made dinner tonight, but I was able to shut myself down. I think that I need to talk to my support group about helping me stay on the bandwagon. I need to keep myself in the game or I will be left on the side line.

I am so so so tired. I would rather nap. I don't want to work out. The other thing I hate is eating the bars and the soup. I feel like throwing up when I eat them. I haven't been very faithful to the diet since I started feeling this way...so 3 days now. I've lost 5lbs when I checked in today so that's cool. It could be more if I tried harder. I've been asked what my enthusiasm is and right now its a 4... You think I would be more excited. That would be logical, but for some reason I am not being logical. I am not trying to sabotage myself. I just don't feel great!

Out and About

I haven't been keeping up with my thoughts lately because I have been out running around. I got sick last week, and it carried over into this week with a new prescription. Stay out of the sun is a warning with most antibiotics....I am sure mine said the same, but I didn't think about it until Thursday when my mom pointed it out. I am now nursing my blistered arms and neck! Yes, blistered and painful! I think I may have heat stroke or something because I am sick and tired on top of it.

School is finally out. So you would think I have time to slow down, but I have no time still and starting June 1st I will be even busier. This last week has prepared me for the next month. I never realized how much preparing is required to leave the house. It takes me at least 30 minutes of prep. I have to pack a lunch for the kids, heat bottles for the baby, pack shakes and/or bars for myself, make sure the stroller is in my car, and sunscreen and bug spray are also packed. Ask everyone to use the bathroom and change the babies diaper. I am going to need to pack extra clothes, baseball mitts, and swimming items just to leave in June.

I have worked out a plan of action of when and where and even a how. I didn't realize that life would get so complicated as baby gets older. She wants to be mobile so coming up with things to do with her while the kids are busy will be more of a challenge. I also didn't realize that food would be so much work too. Fitting in 6 meals a day is a lot of work too. I've already been planning on what I can do when that time comes. I am so glad I got gestational diabetes and took a glycemic index eating class (although at the time I wasn't really into it because it was a lot of work to try and avoid artificial sweeteners, even if it made my fibromyalgia feel better.) I know the diabetes part sounds funny to be happy about, but it made me stop and take a look at how and what I ate. I didn't have the guidance I had hoped for with it so the class came in handy here. It is so much easier to be healthier for a baby than just for yourself, and that makes me sad. Why couldn't I have done it just for myself? I know I am important too!

old=new

I had a going away dinner tonight at a fancy restaurant. I decided I should wear something besides my usual jeans. I started searching the shelves and all I could find was jeans, jeans, and maternity clothes...What to do?...Then an aha moment. I have a section in my closet that I have been hiding my smaller sized clothing. I pushed back the cobwebs (kidding) and there they were a colorful section of capri pants. I pulled out the black ones (dressy) and pulled them on...Holding my breath I continued...They fit and there was room to zip, breath, and sit! I had to dust the knee off...yes they had been hanging for almost 3 years and 3 moves. But I looked good...No I looked GOOD!!! and wow...WOW!!! Now all of my old clothes are new again...I can't wait until my new clothes are wearable. Yes I did buy 2 sizes smaller in hopes that I would lose enough to fit after I had the baby. So maybe soon.

Week 2

I guess I haven't pointed out the fact that I am on week 2. I thought I would stick to this program better, but being sick has kicked my butt! Not only did I get mastitis and other pain in my body that has yet to be determined in the following months, but I have caught a cold! Injury to insult!!! I have determined what I like and what works for me. I hate strawberry! I can tolerate Chocolate. I will be living on Vanilla...boy that makes me seem so bland...which I'm not!
I will be ordering premixed from now on. I don't like the mixing of my beverages. So...Vanilla, peanut butter bars, although half chocolate and half peanut butter remind me a tiny bit of peanut butter cups...I like the Garden Tomato soup, it's similar to Macaroni Grill Tomato Basil cream soup that I had a few yrs back. I don't live any where near one, so I don't know if they even make it still or if that was what it was called... The chicken soup is okay, but I am not fond of it. It's like the chocolate bars...there is something about the taste that just seems like you're on a diet!

Control

I feel like I've lost control...I've lost my will power, or maybe just got lazy. Even though this diet consists of pre-packaged shakes and bars, I find myself feeling like there is too much. Too much food. Sounds silly right? I never ate this much before. Have you ever tried eating 6 times a day? I have to keep a schedule...I need to keep one. I find myself with 2 hrs of the day left and I still need to fit in 2 more meals. Keeping track of your caloric intake is more work than it sounds.
I never knew food would be so much work! I also didn't realize I was drinking my calories during the day. I can I mean could consume over 1000 calories of 1% milk in a day! I knew I loved milk, but I didn't know I loved it that much!

I am getting better at the exercise. I walk more than I did before, but less than I should. I did a series of 3 sets of 30 crunches...more than I've done in 8 yrs and I did 9 push ups, granted they were girly style, but hey.
I am graphing my weight loss to make me accountable...So be accountable, Megan! I could do so much better, and I can see that, I know that, but why is losing a little good enough for me? Shouldn't losing a lot be better? I think so. So starting tomorrow I will stick to it!

Fasting 101

(These are just some jotted ideas in my head that will make as much of a connection as the illogical word placement of this long sentence!) Some of you know and some of you don't! I am fasting for my back...Not in a spiritual way, although it couldn't hurt, but in a medical way. My doctors have come to a drastic decision, that I agreed to, that we would drop some pounds quickly to try and avoid a disk fragmentation in my back. If you have known me in the past seven years you know I have had extreme back issues including 3 surgeries involving 3 disk levels in my lower back requiring disk repair and removal of portions. It makes me sad to know I was 5'8" and now on a good day I am 5'7". So back to my fasting...It's only been two days, but I feel like I am sucking down more sugar than I ever have in my life. What do I mean by that? Optifast...It's like Slimfast only its medically followed by a physician, a nutritional coach, counseler, physical educator, group sessions, and a ton of lab work. These shakes, bars and soups are my only food source for three months! Vanilla, Chocolate, Strawberry, Peanut Butter, Oat & Honey, Garden Tomato, and Chicken Noodle. Do you think it is possible to survive on Vanilla, Tomato, and Peanut Butter? Those are the only flavors that I like right now. Four shakes, a bar, and a soup a day...Just 980 calories...Scary isn't it?! Who in their right mind would do this? Someone who hurts so bad that they would do anything to make it better. Most people on this fast have high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and diabetes...I surprised the program coordinator because I have none of these, I am not severely obese, and I was walking on my own the day I met her. I saw another person on this program and it was grim! Sure I have some post pregnancy weight left behind from the second pregnancy, but who has an easy time loosing it when they have major health issues including six months of bed rest and a husband that only made food with a deep fryer?! I was blessed to have lost 25 lbs total after not gaining with the third pregnancy. So how did it come to such extremes...A neurosurgeon that said drop 20lbs in six weeks and we'll see how you feel...Like I haven't tried? 20lbs in six weeks...Yes because I have a magic wand!...20lbs in six weeks...Well no I feel motivated...20 lbs in six weeks...No it doesn't help to keep repeating it, just thought it might. So far I have missed food...So much so that I now want to lick my fingers as I make dinner! I did cheat on the diet by licking my hand after I grated extra sharp cheddar cheese for beef enchiladas...They looked so good...it was worth the lick, but today I want more! I would love to eat a chocolate covered something...So far I have resisted...So far I have not looked at them too much...Maybe if I could go to sleep I would stop thinking about them...maybe putting extra punctuation in here will help with the want I am feeling...Nope, not working! Did anyone realize that 100 fluid ounces of water is a lot? Added to a mostly liquid diet...I feel like I can't even leave the house now. So I still have 12 weeks until I can add a meat and veggie back to my diet and up it to 1200 calories if I continue on this very expensive back induced craziness and then a bit more every week after that...I am already dreaming of what I want to eat. This is a one year program and yes I am paying to waste away...Hope it works! Watch my graph at the bottom to see if I can get there...